Death Metal Rooster

Thanks to Jamie for sending that to me.

This made me laugh..... because its true.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Devin Townsend Band and Project

continuing from the previous post. Here are the songs that Devin did with his solo project. These songs are much tamer than the SYL songs so there shouldn't be any songs that will offend.

Devin Townsend discography in music video form.

Devin Townsend IS my favorite artist of all time. His musical range is absolutely incredible. I thought I would take the time to compile a video list of some of his work, well at least what there are videos for. Most of these songs are pretty tame, but there are some that can offended. I'll try and warn of the possibility of language.

With Strapping Young Lad....

Please don't watch this first video if your easily offended.

Transformers by Powerglove

This is amazing.

Transformers by Powerglove

Todd In The Shadows

This dood is pretty stinkin funny.

Anberlin - Dark is The Way, Light is A Place

Gonna be honest. I wasn't sure if I should review this album. I've been listening to it for the past couple days and I have to say I really REALLY like it. I'm sure you've all heard the single "Impossible". That track is just infectious. It sits in your head and rolls around until you finally give up and listen to it. More than that though "Dark" is one of the best rock albums I've ever heard. From a song structure stand point this album kicks butt. Its completely solid all the way through. I've listened to Anberlin before in the past and I've enjoyed what they've produced but those albums always lacked something in my opinion. I wasn't sure what until this record. I don't know if its because they've matured as song writers or if they've just found a good place for their sound. Stephen Christian's vocals are stronger and he seems to sing with more passion than ever before. I honestly think that anyone could find this album accessible. If you like Christian music this is a must record for you.



I give this 4 falling horses (really falling horses) out of 5

Lonely Ave.

Ben Folds has a new album out, but this time around he didn't write any of the lyrics! All the lyrics were written by a writer by the name of Nick Hornby. Hornby as written books like "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy". When I heard about this collaboration I was honestly excited with the possibilities. Folds music as of late as been a bit stale for me. I feel like he tries way too hard to write witty songs and doesn't spend the time to actually write good music that accents the words. Well when your not writing lyrics you can spend the entire time writing music and this works wonderfully. This might be the best stuff since Ben Folds Five's "Whatever and Ever Amen". It doesn't feel at all like anything forced. Everything flows very organically. Folds also took a lot of gambles with the sound of this record that work well. The song "Levi Johnston's Blues" has a very retro feel to it and it really shines brightly in the mix of the tracks. One things for certain, there's language in this music. If you've enjoyed Ben Folds to this point you can expect to hear some, but it seems like there's more here than there was previously. That aside, I can't really think of anything else I'm not a fan of. It just works very well. But above everything else the thing that makes this album excel is it actually sounds like a Ben Folds album. Which is funny to say, but since "Rock'in the Suburbs" he really had lost his sound. This returns him to that fun sound. Piano fused with pop rock.





This song was a colaberation with another group Pomplamoose. Its not on the album itself but its the only live action video I could find atm.

I give it 4.5 Dirty words out of 5

New VVFS

Top 10 albums of 2010 to this point! October 1st.

I figured I would do this list a little before the end of the year so I could see what albums would be added to the list by the time 2011 got here. I don't think I'm going to number them since that's not really easy. So here they are ...

Deftones - Diamond Eyes. I can't say enough good things about this record. Its deftones doing what they do best, rocking your face off. I've loved deftones since high school and they haven't disappointed me since White Pony. The blend of hard rock and almost indie rock is amazing. How the band seems to never miss a beat when evolving their sound, but never evolving it too far at a time is simply amazing. Truly this album is a 2010 power house.

Angus & Julia Stone - Down the Way. I've talked about this one before, so I won't go into too much. If you haven't at least tried to listen to their music, your stupid. I can't imagine there being a person on this planet who wouldn't enjoy their sound. Beautiful is how I would describe the Stone's sound in a word. You owe it to yourself to listen to them at least once. 

Vampire Weekend - Contra.  Here's a perfect example of how to make an amazing sophomore album. Everything they did on their debut is improved ten fold here. With some of the most easy listening music that I've come across in a long time. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a contender for album of the year for a lot of reviewers. That's all I'm gonna say about them, considering most of you probably already listen to them.

The Contortionist - Exoplanet. 2010 brought a new style of metal to the masses, that style being Sumariancore. I find this style of music is pleasing to me because of the progressive roots that these bands seem to all share. Heavy, but still very mellow within the same song? yes please!!! I'm aware that most people won't find this one appealing, I challenge you to listen to the whole song that I post. Its surprising at times.

Nevermore - The Obsidian Conspiracy.  This year has been a year of growth for me musically and this album came as a surprise to me. If you would have asked me to listen to Nevermore last year I would have stated "I'm not into that style" without even really giving it the chance it deserves. These musicians are amazing at their craft. They have created some of my most favorite riffs of this year easily. I enjoyed this album from beginning to end.

Fear Factory - Mechanize. I love FF. That being said, their last couple albums had been some of the hardest stuff to listen to because they were bad. This is more than a return to form for this pioneering band. The band was shrouded in controvercy for the "firing" of two of the band members. Well it seems it works in their favor much more than they could have dreamed. The song Final Exit truly shines as an ode to everything FF.

Rooney - Eureka. This album came out of no where. Normally I know when stuff is coming out. I make it almost a hobby to know. In this world of pirating (which I do) its pretty smart to keep your records under wraps until they are released. I think the main reason no one knew about this record is because they released it themselves almost completely from what I understand. Its not their best album by any stretch but it is very good. They're sound is intact while still growing upon the last album. A must own.

Melee - The Masquerade. I had a hard time with this entry at first. Melee has been one of my favorite rock bands since I heard their debut in 2004. I knew they would eventually go in a more pop direction which they did on their next album "Devils and Angels" they still kept their rock roots though. On the Masquerade they almost completely do away with the rock roots and it works. I'm generally not a fan of pop at all but I find this enjoyable. 

Jans Lekman - Night Falls Over Kortedala. This album was released in 2007, so it doesn't really belong on the list. I didn't discover Jans Lekman until this year so I'm justifying it. Lekman is a master of all trades. He utilizes so many different instruments to create the sound on this record that its truly amazing. The first song is like a big band song, the next a disco track, the next a acoustic song. It never misses a beat.

Jamiroquai - Rock Dust Light Star. Its not technically out yet, but that doesn't matter. I've heard two songs off of it and I know its gonna be amazing. Jay K hasn't disappointed me since I picked up Traveling Without Moving in 96. Going for a more stripped out sound, I'm looking forward to a more organic Jamiroquai than previously heard. Look for this to drop Nov. 1st

Live Opeth.

Taken from their new live DVD, Live at the Royal Albert Hall. For this live dvd they performed the entire Blackwater Park album, which is considered by many to be their best. After they were done with that they performed tracks from every recorded they've done starting from the early years and going to today. Good stuff!

A Big Change Wrestling Should Make Now!

A Big Change Wrestling Should Make Now!
By Kevin Kelly - taken from Wrestle Zone (see the link above)


Jeannie’s out of the Bottle… the toothpaste is out of the tube… whatever cliché you want… apply it to pro wrestling. You can’t put either back but let’s try and fix things.

One major change makes a world of difference and opens up world of possibilities.

Three words… referee stops contest.

In today’s MMA-soaked environment, pro wrestling needs to adapt their own rules to keep up with the athletes of today. Bigger, badder, stronger and faster, today’s pro wrestler drops bombs while the wrestler of the 1970’s raked an eye or played “peekaboo” with a foreign object.

Guys the size of Matt Morgan were once booked as an attraction but now an athlete like Morgan, for example, is such a combination of size and agility that it makes it hard to suspend disbelief when he hits a move. Big moves landed by fantastic athletes are so commonplace in today’s wrestling that it’s become harder and harder to get a reaction. So the moves become bigger and in turn, more meaningless.


Plus, with care and prevention of concussions a need not a want, it’s time for the third man in the ring to wave a contest off when the time is right. 

When I was in the WWE, referees from time to time were told to really enforce the rules, especially when it came to count outs. If the ref got to “10”, call for the bell. I think it only happened once or twice but man, there was heat when it did. Not on the ref, but on the wrestlers who ignored the referee who told them to get back in the ring while slowly, demonstratively counting up from one for over 30 seconds to finally end at 10.

(Now, my memory being what it is, I am probably forgetting some time on Raw when a ref tossed out a match and then got reamed and fired but I definitely remember it happening in a dark match or two…)

The lesson learned for the offending wrestlers? Actions have consequences and rules are to be followed. The referee is to be listened to and respected.

Point is, it’s time to at least try to make some real out of the unreal. I’m telling you… one of the hardest things of being an announcer in wrestling for me is watching the guys beat the hell out of one another. Despite the training, dedication and effort put in by today’s athletes, it doesn’t make the fragile parts of the body like the brain any more resistant to the risk of injury.

By having a referee able to jump in and stop a match, it will serve several masters. First, it will start to reeducate the audience, that the moves in pro wrestling have consequences. It will also (hopefully) reeducate the wrestlers that they are in control, not the audience and what they do has consequences.
Because life has consequences…

I know you can’t put Jeannie back in the bottle but pro wrestling at its finest is gladiators in dramatic, physical, emotional battle where winning and losing is only a part of the story. Just because you don’t get your hand raised, doesn’t mean you are not a winner. Just like real life. A great wrestling match is about the journey, not just the final destination. And not every story has to end in a three count to be a satisfactory outcome.

If the referee stops a match because a wrestler is absorbing too much punishment or is perceived to not be able to continue, going forward, wrestlers will protect themselves and start to construct their battle plans for matches in a more logical fashion. I know that no fan ever pays money to watch a referee make a decision but if both fans and wrestlers alike know that a referee can make that final decision, I think that both groups will benefit.

Fans will get new outcomes… some they’ll like and some they’ll hate. But, it might foster some water cooler talk, which pro wrestling hasn’t had since Rock and Austin left. The wrestlers will have some added physical protection, especially early in their careers as referees will stop many more matches with the younger guys, who are more prone to put themselves in an injurious position.

And the wrestling industry gets some fresh air in its lungs, which it needs terribly right now. This doesn’t fix wrestling but it’s an important step that can bridge the gap between wrestling and its chief rival, fan apathy.


I agree with what this guy has said. Which is why I posted it.

Question Mark? Episode one.

We look like ZOMBIES!!!

So I've recently found a band called "Dark Fortress", they are a black metal band from Germany. As you might guessed, if you know anything about metal, black metal is pretty infamous for being satanic. I've honestly never been a fan of satanic lyrics, or lyrics in general for that matter. Having grown up in a Christian home its instilled certain moral standards and codes on me that I have a hard time ignoring. So this is where my question arises.

IS IT OK FOR ME TO LISTEN TO A BLACK METAL BAND THAT BELIEVES THAT SATAN IS A HIGHER POWER THAN GOD?

Well, at first I wasn't sure. I don't go to church anymore so, I don't really have any guilt in listening to them. People generally shrug off my musical tastes because is too heavy or they can't understand lyrics or "It gives me a headache". So I can't really ask other people to listen to it. I know that I could ask older people but they automatically cringe at the idea of metal in the first place. So who am I left to go to? Myself really... I'm the best one to myself if its OK. I have to say, the music won out on this one. While hearing lyrics like "Satan bled for all of you" doesn't really strike me as fun. I love the music. These guys are super talented and while they are supremely misguided from which their talent is derived. They still turn out some good tunes.

This question holds a deeper meaning for me though. Growing up my parents (good parents BTW) always kept a strict ruling over what entertainment they allowed me to enjoy. They did a pretty decent job of it until later in my life when I discovered that there was much more than the Newsboys, DC talk shell I was living in. I started experimenting with music and that scared my parents. They were very apposed to my listening to anything with questionable content. Which in turn made me want worse stuff. I remember a family friend finding an album by a band that I listen to in their sons car and they were very angry that I "Would subject their child to such evil" Too bad their child was doing worse stuff than listening to some dirty words. What my parents ultimately did was open up my eyes. They weren't very open minded to what I was listening to, one. Because they loved me, but more importantly because the idea of me finding the words spoken in those songs more inviting than church stuff. Well its true, pretty much everything on this planet is more inviting than church to me, but it wasn't the music that did that. It was people that I was around that did that. So while they spent so much time worrying about my albums and throwing them away and such, they weren't looking at the people who were around us. Which is no fault of theirs obviously. They aren't physic's.

This photo is here to make sure you are...

I'm totally off track here... what I really just want to get to is this. Its fun to try and control what people listen to, or watch, or read, but do we really need to do that? Do we trust our kids/friends/family to know whats real and whats not? Do we trust them to know whats good and whats evil? I guess those are questions for another time. I just know that my parents build a sturdy foundations of morals and values based upon the Christian belief structure, and its given me that ability to see things for what they are. Its a good trait to have.

Keith from Talking Classics.

Brett Domino's - Rocco La Bete

Reality TV

Have you ever watched TV on a weekday? I mean really just sat down on your butt, picked up the remote control and just looked at whats on? Me either, but I'm sure if you did you would see a sea of reality TV shows. They are like a plague on our society. Seems like everyone has one they enjoy watching though. I enjoy kitchen Nightmare's personally. I'm not sure if I honestly consider it a full reality TV show, but its close. I digress.... If I was to start naming reality shows off the top of my head the list would look something like this...

American Idol
America's Got Talent
The Real World
For the love of....
Washed up Rapper needs a girlfriend.
White people can't fine love without shallowness.
Real Housewives of Slut ville USA

Truer words were never spoken.

Its seemingly endless. They have an entire network for the genre. That's how giant this whole "real" thing got. We can sit her and blame different shows all day for their impact on the genre as a whole. I think we should really take a look at the first two Cop's and The Real World. One of these things is not like the other, and I'll let you guess in which way. Cops follows our finest as they protect us from the seedy underbelly of our sad society. The Real World follows some of the most unlikeable people on the face for this planet as they bitch and moan their collective asses through whatever script the horrible writers at MTV have written for them. My point being that Cops (while being generally the exception) is more reality than The Real World.

So how does this effect the state of TV today? Well its very simple really. If you can get away with making cheap programing that millions of people will watch, then your gonna keep doing it in all fascists of your programing. Recently there have been some pretty amazing shows out there. The problem is these shows do poorly because people can't be bothered to care about something more than who's gonna sing a pop song better, or who is gonna loose the most weight. People don't want character development that might be a little far fetched because its not "real".

So what is it exactly about reality TV that isn't good. Well first there is the dramatic pauses. After every stinking line in the show they have to pause to look at someone. Doesn't matter what they are doing, they MUST cut to them. Its what we like to call FILLER. Another example is the way they cut to commercial when they are giving the results of something. Seriously, they could cut down on the number of episodes needed to finish a season and just get seasons to us faster. It would still be crap programing but at least it wouldn't waste your time.

YES THIS DOES!!!

Another way its bad are the people that they try and pass off as "real". Like the women of "The Real Housewife's". Those people are not a glowing representation of the general population. "BUT IT WOULD BE BORING IF THEY WERE JUST LIKE ME!!!!". Shut up. You really think you wouldn't get emotionally invested in someone who reminded you of yourself? No you would rather see people like Snucky (not even gonna try and spell that crap) and a guy named "The Situation". Pretty sure "the situation" is what girls call their periods.

My over all point is, by watching this trash its only going to make them come out with more trash and not going to make them think about the people who actually think with their minds. They are gonna continue to ignore the smart population who would like a good story and great characters and quality entertainment. They would rather cater to you mindless tools of the system who sit night after night buying into the American idol bullshit. So thanks, thanks for ruining TV people. Thanks for making me have to deal with your stupid shows when I'm at your house or party. Thanks for pushing your reality crack onto me.

Botchamaina 149. NSFW "Language"

New Jamiroquai?! Yes please!

Maroon 5 - Hands All Over

If you know me at all you know how much I hate pop music. I mean really truly can't stand it. When I see Beyonce or Lady Ga Ga is makes me want to shoot myself in the breast. Pop now a days is so fake. Most of it is made on a computer by someone and then that person sells said song to an "artist" so they can sing it and make both parties lots of money. Its wrong, and people keep feeding the music industry by purchasing this crap. Which in turn makes you look like a freakin fool, llemming as it were.

Look Ma! I'm famous!

So what does that mean for Maroon 5? Well I don't know honestly. I know they play instruments. I've seen them live and met them.. Granted this was many years before they would make it big. In fact it was just after they changed their name from Kara's Flowers to Maroon 5. I really enjoyed Kara's Flowers and the first Maroon 5 album. I would put Maroon 5's "Truth About Jane" in my top 20 easily and I listen to more bands in a day then most people listen to in a month. The second album "It Won't Be Soon Before Long" was a huge disappointment for me, instead of sticking to their pop rock roots they went urban. That was a huge blow to their musical credibility with me. Shocking I know...
So its now 2010 and its time for a new album by pop's super darlings and right out of the bat I'm ready to hate this with everything that I am. Then I saw the video for "Misery" I have to say I was a little more than surprised. It didn't seem as "fake" as the previous stuff sounded, it actually seemed pretty plausible by a band to make that exact sound. So it gave me high hopes that this new album "Hand's All Over" would be at least decent. I was kind of right. If anything this new effort by Maroon 5 is tolerable. There are a few gems on the album such as "Give a little More" and "I can't lie". For every good track on the album though, there are 2 bad ones. The title track sounds like it is a carbon copy of a Def Leppard track. Stuff like that just isn't forgivable in my opinion. The song "Never Gonna Leave This Bed" sounds like its sung by Five for Fighting. I've also noticed a trend that maybe you can pick up on as well. The lead singer Adam Levine seems to like to go "OHHH YEAH!!!" like way too much. To the point to where I got annoyed when he did it or any rendition of it.

What it really boils down to people as always is personal opinion. If you enjoy what you hear, good for you! If you expect more from your artist then I applaud you and your musical tastes.

I give "Hand's All Over" 3 crazy videos of girls hurting you, out of 5

New Bret Domino!!!

If you don't know who Bret Domino is, I would highly suggest you watch some of his previous material. Here is some now!!!!



Just great stuff for the whole family!!!!

So what has the WWF been up to since they won the name from the WWE?

Well this really. Bringing awareness to saving animals in a hilarious way!

The Event.

The first thing I have to say about NBC's "The Event" is how low budget it feels. I mean in almost the first scene of the show there was already a poorly created shot of a CGI airplane. Why couldn't they film a real plane? Within the first 10 minutes of the show they change the date of whats currently going on 5 times. Which is just not smart. The second thing that strikes me is how off the voice over is. In most of the scenes its synced well, but in some its way off which is another sign of low budget and poor editing.

The show so far as been trying to instill this feeling of desperation with the show and it hasn't done that at all. There is a scene in which the lead?? tries to hijack a plane in order to talk to the pilot. This scene is very poorly acted. The stewardess and the air marshal (god I know) are hamming it up big time. We rewind, again to months earlier.and there is a really uncomfortable scene where the lead proposes to his girlfriend and is interrupted by a man screaming for help. The lead jumps into the water to save this man's girlfriend who as falling in "Because she fell and hit her head" First of all, if she did fall and hit her head, she would be dead because the drop is much more than anyone could survive secondly she's still trying to swim. This is another example for lazy writing. I'm suppose to feel something for this couple, but obviously I don't. After some pointless scene where they are having a drink with the people that they helped we flash back to the plane where line's such as "When this is done you can arrest me all you want!" We hear a gun shot and it seems as the pilot of the plane has shot him/her self.
Flash to a new character President Elias Martinez who is... you guessed it... black. It doesn't bother me that the president is black, it bothers me because it just seems to be an ode to Obama. Why not just have Obama as the president and use a different character for the roll. Plus if I'm gonna have a black president, give me one like Morgan Freeman in "Deep Impact". Not this young guy. Young guys don't make convincing presidents. Of course I'm a racist for saying that, but its true.
We learn that the President is closing a facility, that the CIA doesn't want closed. Another time jump to see that the evil CIA had been keeping it from the President since it was on a "Need to know" basis. Jump again to the president visiting the facility which is apparently a prison for "them" Cut to another scene which is the president about to give a press conference to tell the world about "them" I guess the CIA starts to scramble because they hear something they tell the president that they need to evacuate he gets to the car and looks out and sees the plane that was going down from before!

What are we even doing here?!

OK so I don't like this show very much, obviously. This review is getting longer and I really have nothing good to say about it yet. If you like confusing time flashing stories check it out. Me I like my shows to make more sense.

Get Him to the Greek

Get Him to the Greek is one of the most surprising movies I've ever seen. Surprising in a really good way, not in the "Oh crap I've got herpes" way. It starts with one of IMO worst comics ever Russel Brand and Johan Hill and surprisingly they work well together. Brand's comic style is subdued by Hill's style, its like peanut butter and pretzels. I watched the movie this morning (its night time now) so I don't really remember the whole thing. Plus I don't want to give away too much, but the basic plot is...

Johan Hill plays a guy who works at a record company, his boss (played by a very funny Puff Daddy) asks his employee's to come up with an idea that will make them money. Hill suggests having a 10 year reunion concert with the washed up Brit pop artist played by Brand. Puff boss Daddy loves the idea and sends Hill to London to pick Brand up. What follows is one of the best buddy movies I've seen in a while. Its full of low brow dirty but funny humor. There's a scene where Hill gets "raped" that had me on the floor.

This movie is great fun and I recommend it to any guy or girl with a strong stomach for toilet humor and language.

Holy crap is a pissed off rapper, RUNNNN!!!

I give it 4 bags of heroin up the ass out of 5

Predators Vs. Me

Oh man, how to even try to begin. OK, lets get this out of the way first. Adrien Brody has no place in this movie... at all. He brings nothing but wonderment to the part. Like, "How the @*#$ does this guy seem like a bad ass", or " Really, your really trying to sound like batman, Mr. Piano man?" He's already been in one of the worst movies I've seen this year called "Splice" where he literally sleep's with a genetic experiment that is kinda like his daughter. Yeah, its gross. Now you put him in an ACTION MOVIE?!? I Don't understand Hollywood sometimes. 
Also, when in the hell did Laurence Fishburne become such a joke?!? Oh wait, during the matrix reloaded. Well then STOP PUTTING HIM IN YOUR MOVIE. Its not hard, if an actor sucks, LEAVE HIM OUT! He makes what some could call a cameo, but its so stupid and shallow you can hardly call it so. I guess on to the movie then...

Does my head look big to you?

The movie starts with Brody free falling from the sky, apparently he just woke up when the movie started... clever movie people clever, you get a brief sequence where he tries to deploy a parachute which, you guessed it, deploys just in the Nick of time. He hits the ground and we get one of the dumbest title cards I've ever seen in my entire life. PREDATORS!!!!!!!! like we didn't already know this was going to be painful. Can I give you a tip, which I'm sure is in a book somewhere called movie making 101, but Why do people put characters in life or death situations in the first 15 minutes of a movie??? Tell me how that makes any sort of sense? Are we suppose to feel dread for a character who obviously makes it out alive? Sigh...
We then start to meet our rag tag group of shit characters. You have the Rough and tumble chick bad ass, the Russian bad ass, Mexican bad ass, black bad ass, Asian bad ass, and worthless white nerd guy. I would tell you who plays all of these people, but does it really matter? Can you guess who survives already? Because if your struggling, don't read this review. Its Brody and the chick FYI, you stupid stupid idiots.
Most of the movie consists of the rag tag group of bad ass's getting their collective ass's handed to them by, you guessed it, giant stupid looking guys in suits. Seriously I've never been so disappointed in the predators in my entire life. They look like bobble heads in this movie. I don't know how they could make them look any worse. I remember as a teen seeing the original two and thinking how awesome they looked. NOT ANY MORE.

You're supposed to get a sense that the Vagina Mouthed Aliens are hunting the humans, but you never feel like that. Mostly because you want to see them die... especially Brody... big nosed mother... ANYWAYS. People soon start dropping like flies. Until we meet the crazy Fishburne, who's been on this planet for 10 years we find out and talks to an imaginary friend. Something tells me that wasn't a stretch for him. Laurence soon turns on them so that he can get their weapons, because he's what one of the characters conveniently calls a scavenger, This revelation is given to us by the most unlikely of the team, the comic relief doctor. Really movie? Really? At least make Brody look a little more bad ass. They get out of this situation to lead us to one of the most rushed, yet longest finales in a movie I've ever seen. For what seems like an hour (but is really about 30 minutes) The team tries to go to a ship to get off the planet. When we get to the ship only 3 people are still in the team. The comic relief doctor played by Topher Grace, the Mexican chick played by, who cares, and you guessed it Brody. Topher get stuck in a space bear trap and Brody is keen to leave him there for the Vagina faces, but Mexican chick wants nothing to do with that, so she stays behind to help Topher get to the ship. Too bad Brody's already gotten on the ship and left their sorry asses. Mexichick and Topher get stuck in a space net and are trapped by a Vagina face in  a space well. Mexichick tries to find a way out of the space well when OMG ROFL Topher paralyzes her with space plant juice!!!! Holy CRAP!!!! We see one of the Predators looking pissed that someone has space-jacked his whip and he blows it up. No more Brody..... OR SO YOU THINK?!? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! He comes back to help Mexichick and Topher get out of the space well. We get a brief omg moment as we think Topher is gonna get the jump on Brody, but NOPE Brody stabs Topher in the throat. 

Look at my six pack. I totally can play the piano!

Then we are treated to one of the worst battle's against an alien I've ever seen EVER. You don't believe me do you??? still don't?? I present to you MUDDY BRODY!!!!
I know, I know, laugh, that's the only way to get through this moment. Brody beats up the Predator and the movies finally over!!!! Oh wait, no its not. We are treated with a scene of more parachutesoriginal Predator that wrote for Arnold because Arnold could barely speak English. I'm not sure if I've made it clear how much I hate Brody... did you feel that during the review?? 


The Bottom line is this, The first two are classics's. I'm actually more of a fan of Predator 2 than one, but who doesn't love one. I mean really. If you haven't seen those then, I would suggest you rent and watch those. If your in the mood for some terrible movie watch this one. 


I give it 2 Vagina face's out of 5

Nightmare on Elm St.

"Nightmare on elm st." Is obviously a remake of a movie by the same name made in the 80's. Of course the original created one of the most famous movie icon's of all time, Freddy Kruger. Known for his burnt body, crazy claw, and super nerdy sweater. Freddy went through many different changes as the original movie franchise went on. He went from dark, to dark comedy, to just plan goofy. One things for certain though, he was always scary. I don't care who you are, I don't care if you've never seen these movies, you've had a dream about Freddy at one point in time in your life.

So how does this new movie hold up to the original. Well in a few words, not very much. It does however improve upon some of the casting from the original. The role of Nancy for instance. In the original movie she's played by Heather Langenkamp. Her character is just a scream queen character, you never really feel dread for her because secretly you kinda want her to die. While the new Nancy is played by Rooney Mara who does an amazing job as the kinda dysfunctional teen that would kill Freddy in the end. She's believable in the role and never milks it or makes it feel shallow. In fact in the remake her character is almost cast aside until later in the movie which was a nice touch in my opinion. The love interest was another area that I felt improved a bit. No one will ever forget the classic scene of Johnny Depp bleeding out in his bed with a river of blood, I mean its one of the most metal deaths ever. This time though Nancy is kinda followed around by the interest, played by Kyle Gallner. It works because you see the story unfold from their dialog and not Nancy figuring things out out loud, which is just stupid.

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Honestly though no one really gives a crap about anyone other than Freddy, so how does he fair in this rendition? Well honestly not very well. If people actually read this they would give me crap for this but let me try and explain. The original Freddy was played by horror icon Robert Englund and he play's the role flawlessly. Even in the more crappy Elm St. movies he's by far the best thing. Even becoming some what of a anti-hero. He pretty much created and molded the character to be his own, and his voice is synonymous with Freddy. Enter Jackie Early Haley, most known now for his role in "The Watchmen" as Rorschach. Now this maybe personal preference, but his make up effects looked stupid. Yes I'm sure its more realistic, and I'm sure it looked more menacing to others. I just didn't get that feeling. In fact I laughed out loud when he was trying to be scary because I kept thinking "Lizard Man"! To Jackie's credit though, if he would have been in similar make up to the original, he would have been amazing. He acted the part well and for the most part he felt dark. So I would ultimately go with Roberts version but Jackie's version isn't all that bad.

Robert Englund as Freddy

Here's my issue. When this movie was released I read a lot about how "Dark" it was and it made Freddy look more "Evil". B.S. It wasn't that Dark and it definitely wasn't very evil. What's with filmmakers today? They can't seem to make things that push any boundaries. Take the remake of "Last House on the Left". Its so much more tame than the original. Thats just sad. Its no wonder either since both of these remakes were originally Wes Craven films. Its possible that Craven just made them as messed up as any person could? All I know for sure is that his originals stand the test of time and are ultimately better than their 2010 remakes.

I'd give Nightmare 2.5 Kruger claws out of 5.

Machete

I saw "Machete" about a week ago and I have to say, its one of my favorite movies of the year. It gets the popcorn, don't take yourself too seriously, I should have Steven Seagal in all my movies mentality and runs with it. Of course no movie is without its problems and "Machete" definitely has its share. So lets do something new. First I'll go through the good and then the bad. I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

GOOD:

1. Machete's Dialog. The man barely talks, but when he does its good for a laugh every time.

2. Supporting Cast. The supporting cast (for the most part) does a great job at filling in the story where it lacks from the plot. They offer humor in an otherwise dark movie.

3. Steven Seagal. Nuff said. OK for real, I know people hate him, but why? He makes laughable movies that are entertaining and that are suppose to be bad. He makes no illusions to them being anything but what they are and I love him for that.

BAD:

1. Lindsey Lohan. She plays a very small role, but just having her in it makes me want to throw up.

2. Mexican border situation. Its not really that bad, but the fact that they bring it up at all kinda errks me. I know its a real problem, but it could have been left out.

3. Nudity. I love the female body, but I don't care to see it in a movie. Even artistic nudes aren't good in my book.

Give it a watch.

I give it 4 out of 5 taco's.

The State of current TV

OK, lets be real with each other. TV today is sucking pretty bad. Its full of reality MTV b.s. Its hard to find new and interesting shows, because normally those show's don't last very long and the ones that do turn into crap half way through the first season. Well never fear, I'm here to help you with those hard choices on what to and what not to watch. I'm gonna open up my critical brain to the world of visual entertainment. Be ready for me to call everything you watch crap though... don't hate the messenger, hate yourself for allowing crap on TV.